i dont have an oven...

....and you might-

so- here's something special for you to make (recipe i found online while browsing)::

Low-fat whole wheat pumpkin spice cookies

3/4 c. pumpkin
1/2 c. + 2 tbsp. fat-free plain yogurt
1 tsp. vanilla
2 c. whole wheat flour
1 c. raisins
3/4 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. allspice
unsweetened applesauce, if necessary

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare baking sheets with cooking spray. Combine pumpkin, yogurt and vanilla in one mixing bowl. Combine dry ingredients and raisins in another. Mix wet into dry until moist. (When working with whole wheat flour, you might need a little oomph for moisture. I use unsweetened applesauce.) Drop tablespoons of the mixture onto baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes. Eat them quickly, or freeze them; they're prone to stickiness. I've used dried cranberries in place of raisins, too. Verdict: yum.

thanks, Columbus.

hi.

it has now been 3 months (and a couple days) since my arrival in this crazy city- bangkok. many ask- "so, are you enjoying it so far?" "how's the weather?" "do you miss home?"

the answers: yes. hot. yes.

however, to add some additional information on the way that I am feeling about being displaced in this crazy asian metropolis can be summed up in the question: "HOW?"

HOW can it be that it is literally impossible to see the sun set here?
HOW is it that fresh air so so hard to come by?
HOW on earth can I still have 8 months left here?
HOW can these children possibly be learning anything from me?
HOW will I ever save any money if all I want to do is spend it on travelling?

so, if any of you can answer any of these questions for me..I'd be oh, so grateful!
I've spoken with a few people- friends and family, and have explained my current feeling towards my experience teaching. I've come to the realization that I love my students. I love their ambition. I love their personalities. I love their hilarious comments and broken English..but, I'm pretty sure I don't love being a teacher. Because teaching is far more than spending time with kids and getting to know their individual personalities, the actual "work" of teaching isn't really my cup of tea.
But, we must all do things in life that we aren't all that fond of.
And, in my case- I do the lesson planning (that I'm not fond of) so I can spend time with these students (who I am fond of).

November. AH, yes. November is coming. HOORAY.
November is a fantastic month. Besides turkey and all the dressings, November brings the closing of one season and the opening to another. While the remainder of the leaves tightly grasping onto branches finally reach the ground, the temperature cools enough to see your breath on your morning drive into work... (well, not in Bangkok- but, sometimes I turn the air conditioning down real low and pretend).
I'm actually noticing a difference in the temperature here. The monsoons have finally stopped, and the sun rests around 6pm..so- this must be fall? Winter? who knows. I know that it's not AS hot here as when I first arrived (meaning- my fingers and toes aren't sweating as much) but other than that, the weather is still the same. BUT- celebrate..because, somewhere in the world all the wonders of November are happening. so, celebrate for me, wherever you are- okay?

So- Thanksgiving...yep. Thanksgiving here goes..well...unnoticed. uncelebrated. While this school employs 11 Americans they do not employ any sort of Thanksgiving Day policy where we all sleep in and enjoy fine, tasty treats; however, turkey, cranberry and gravy or not- we WILL be celebrating giving and thanks.

for example- my idea:
everyone can GIVE me a birthday present-
and, I'll say: THANKS!

no? bad idea?
what if I dress like a Pilgrim?
..or..maybe even an Indian?

..a Turkey?


hmm. I've run out of ideas. anyhow- I think the other Americans and I will celebrate in our little Thai kinda way...so, thanks Columbus. here's to you.

the power of one.

one. one. one. one. one. one.

one man. one woman.a table for one. a single. a group of one. tea for one.

one. only..ONE.

who is to doubt the power of an indivudual? Do I doubt the power of one? Do I doubt myself? Do I doubt you? Do I doubt the impact that only ONE person can have on my life? And- do I question the impact that I (one,) could have on another?

Thought 3 in part, Jesus Christ came as one man- and in this one man we are saved from eternal suffering. Romans 5:19- "For just through disobedience of ONE man, the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the ONE man, the MANY will be made righteous"

I don't want to doubt my being here. I don't want to become so overwhelmed by this culture and these people that I doubt the amazing act of God in bringing me here.

I never want to doubt the impact of one. Though, so many times I don't feel complete..I don't feel like I'm even a "one," rather, more like a half.
and sometimes, I feel like a sixteenth. or maybe, a a twenthieth. or hundreth of a whole- but, through one man, sin entered the world and ALL people, and through one man (one, AMAZING, PERFECT man,) sin is forgiven and all men made righteous.
one. one. one.

I think of this as I make my plans for Christmas vacation. I've been doing some research on non-profit organizations in southeast asia (singapore, indonesia, cambodia, laos, vietnam, etc) to see if there are any opporutnities to serve during my 12 day break. I've sent emails to several organizations, and many haven't replied.
Again- one email..insignificant? one American trying to make a difference- useless? Though so many parts of life seem to painfully bruise one's self-worth and significance, never, ever doubt the impact of one.

one prayer can save a life. one act of kindess can change a life. one penny a day can feed the hungry (or, so the commercials claim..haha)
so- with this...I continue.

one year. one girl. one country. one God.

grace.

God is always good to me.




always.

this and that.

It’s strange to feel as if there was anything else I’ve ever known. Bangkok has become my home and I’ve been here for only 2 months. Over these past 2 months I haven’t seen anyone from my family, Keane was born and my friends have continued living their everyday lives of dinner dates and football games.

Isn’t this the life I was searching for? The life of change- of newness…the unfamiliarity I’ve been seeking? Is this the peculiarly charming lure of spontaneity to welcome my newly graduated self?

Questions continue to run through my mind- why did I come here? Who did I come for? What are they doing there? Where will I go from here? …And after that?
These questions weave in and out of mental traffic, congesting ordinary thoughts with worries of the past, present and future.

It’s in my times of questioning that I always run across several passages that seem to only confuse my weak mind even more. Oswald Chambers wrote: “We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life- those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength”

Until the moment I came here to Bangkok, I was always concerned with the future. College- such a future oriented lifestyle… concentrating on the present to make the future that much greater; however, the “future” after college was to be defined by applications, resumes and founded on my possession of factual knowledge- the knowledge that can be written down and applied…Business matrices, consumer preference analyses, and numerically weighty spreadsheets- and somehow…somehow (God’s how,) I ended up here…in this moment- in this place, doing this thing- these things…at this…this moment in this place. This is the “future”. This is the anticipated moment...this is the outcome of my daily pursuit for what my future was to possess….

College- life’s hopeful kaleidoscope, promised a future of colorful experiences. Regardless of which subjects I studied, which books were heavily highlighted, marked and tattered- each year, each course, each professor encouraged me more. Encouraged me to press onward and pursue “the future”.

Well, here I am. I am in “the future”. And tomorrow, I will be in “the future”. The future is only “the future,” today. Once today passes, that future becomes our present- our “now”. That moment becomes this moment…and so, the question becomes- what am I doing now? What am I doing in this moment?


John Piper. Oh, John Piper...he’s amazing. God has given him such amazing insight... I’ve been reading several of his books since I’ve been here. A Bible passage I read the other day states “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” (Matthew 6:33-34). John Piper comments on this passage saying, “Today’s mercies are for today’s troubles…”




Today. Not tomorrow. TODAY. I am asking for strength for today…for guidance- enough guidance for today. Wisdom for today. I will ask today for these things, as I cannot be certain I will be here to ask for them tomorrow. “You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes…” (James 4).


A mist. I am a mist today. Whatever is less than a mist- I am that tomorrow. I am that in “the future”. I cannot speak of a time or place of which I cannot be sure I will exist; however, I can live now. I can act NOW. I am alive NOW. I am in THIS moment…

A lifetime of planning my future has taught me to live in the present.

Here I am…NOW.

Story hour.

In 5th grade English we've been reading short realistic fictional stories under the theme "Nature's Fury". I assigned the students a creative writing assignment where they had to write about volcanoes, storms, etc. And this....this is my favorite story. I cried in laughter when I was reading it aloud solely because this girl is a genius. This story is copied exactly how it was written- punctuation, grammar, spelling the whole deal. Enjoy.

“Charlie’s Adventures” (with Henry)
by: Yada Fishlock, grade 5

Charlie was a chatterbox. When he was in school he was always chatting with his friends. Do you know what he was chatting about? Right, he was always chatting about his adventures. Once he’s been in a snow storm. And he said that he couldn’t even open the door! And when he looked out of the window he only saw snow! He’s been in a thunder storm, hale storm, a tsunami, an earthquake, sand storm and a flood. You know why he’s been in all this breathtaking adventures? Because he liked traveling! And he liked reading books (he couldn’t read any books now because he’d read every book in this house!) He played computer very often. But his lastest adventure was a lightning storm. It was all very boring for him because he couldn’t play the computer. Why? Because the computer would crash! And the storm was so noisey, loud, windy, rainy (it was raining like crazy!,) scary, incredible, fantastic and breathtaking.

And now he was going to the old ruins of “The Volcano Place”. There had been lots of volcano eruption there, with all the red, blubbling, hot lava, that ruined all the houses and killed all of the people. Now he had to sleep in a tent. He was not ure that it was safe to sleep in a tent there. Oh! And I forgot to tell you that he was going by himself! So he would be the only on there.

But he was wrong.
When he got there he was so hungry, so he found something to eat. It was some mouthwatering chocolates.

After that he saw a little cave near where his tent was, so he stood in the front of the cave and asked “Is anyone there?”
He heard something moving so he went inside the cave and asked once again “Is anyone there?”
“Don’t come in!” someone said.
“I won’t harm you.” Charlie answered.
“Really?” The person asked.
“I promise.” Charlie reassured.
“Wait, don’t laugh at what I’m wearing, ok?” that person said.
“I promise.” Charlie promised again.
“Sure?” That person said.
“Sure! Wait, by the way I’m Charlie. What’s your name?” Charlie asked.
“My name is Henry, nice to meet you.” Said Henry walking out of the cave.
“Your clothes are cooler than my clothes!” Charlie told Henry.
“Really?” Henry asked.
“Really!” Charlie told Henry.
“You are the kindest person I’ve ever met” Henry told Charlie.
“Do you want to have a bath? I have some spare stuff I can share with you” Charlie asked going in his tent.
“You are too kind!” Henry said.
“Here you go. There is soap, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, a towel and some clothes for you to use. And go to the cave at the back of my tent so you can have a bath. And after you’ve had a bath you can have something to eat” Charlie told Henry.
“Thank you very much!” Henry thanked Charlie.

When Henry was having a bath, Charlie was thinking How did Henry get here? But he didn’t dare ask Henry.

After Henry finished having a bath, he could smell nice cooked food waiting for him and the smell made his tummy rumble.

Charlie told Henry “Here have this cooked food”.
“You’re being too kind!” Henry said starting to eat.

The next day the two boys woke up as early as they could just to make sure that the lava wasn’t coming out of the volcano. Luckly, they were safe.

Two days past now and still no lava.
Charlie asked Henry “Do you know when the lava is going to come?”
“I don’t know, why?” Henry asked.
“I just want to keep some lava and bring it back to London” said Charlie.

Later that day, the two boys heard some strange noise when they were packing their bags. The two boys finished packing their bags and put everything in Charlie’s private plane. They were getting on the plane when Henry shouted “LAVA!!”

Charlie looked at the lava and shouted “WHIRLPOOL LAVA!!”
Charlie quickly took a picture of it and got some lava. He put the hot lava in a metal bucket and the two boys quickly jumped into the plane and Charlie flied the plane all the way back to London.

From then on Charlie and Henry were best friends for ever. Charlie even taught Henry how to fly a plane. And the picture that Charlie took became famous, even Charlie and Henry became famous just because they survived from the lava. And the lava that Charlie got it was still hot and bubbling. Charlie was keeping it in his room.

One day the two boys were going to pay at their neighbor’s house. When Mrs. Watson opened the door she said “Henry!”
“Mom!” Henry said
“Thank you very much Charlie! Thank you!” Mrs. Watson said.

Eleven years later they were still best friends! And the lava was still there!”
THE END.

(This is why I love my job.)

a ticket to the coast...and, a side of enlightenment, please.

Friday afternoon I was completely exhausted. Every Friday at 3:30 I realize why when I was going through grade school and I'd ask my teacher "so, what do you have planned for this exciting Friday night?!" they'd usually respond "going to bed and sleeping until I have to be here on Monday morning". It's one thing to be exhausted from demanding physical activity like working out, construction work, etc. however, teaching is mentally exhausting. Though I am not lifting weights or pouring conrete each day- rather, I am telling David for the hundreth time that he can't use the classroom mat as his own personal boxing ring, that John needs to complete is own work instead of having his tutor do it for him, that DG can't eat in class, and Peter, yes, yes you can get a drink of water and that the sentence "I'm going to shopping" doesn't make any sense- and, neither does "I'm going to running," and that "Can I have?" isn't a complete sentence all while managing the classroom cheats and breaking up arguments. phew. So, yes- Friday afternoon is always a tiring point of the teacher's life.

And, of course- I continue to use Friday afternoons as a planning period for my weekend adventures instead of hopping in bed until Monday morning arrives. This past Friday, Mike, Sarah and I decided it was time to get away from the pollution and find nature. So, after a 5 minute discussion on where we should go and what we would do, we threw on some shorts, packed an overnight bag and hopped a train to Hua Hin (thanks to our handy dandy Thailand books that suggested our destination spot). The train ride was about $6 and took about 4 hours and we stayed at a tiny guest house on the beach. Having arrived at around midnight we had NO idea what the beach would even look like and really had no clue where on earth we were. We slept in REAL beds with mattresses Friday night and woke up to birds chirping and NO SMOG. That in and of itself was worth the 4 hour train ride...but then- we walked down a sandy path which led to the softest, whitest sandy beach my toes have ever touched.. the water was beautiful (the first body of CLEAN water I've seen...clean meaning: it wasn't murky and grey like the river and didn't smell of sewage). On the beach were lounge chairs that you could rent for the day for the small price of a bottle of water. We bought a couple bottles of water and were led to a group of chairs complete with an umbrella right in the middle of the beach. I couldn't believe it.. I looked up at the sky and in my heart thanked God for creating such a spectacular place for us to enjoy. To say the least, that beach reminded me that all of the world isn't as disgustingly polluted by smoke and people as Bangkok. Blue skies..white sands..AND, OH MY WORD. GREEN TREES AND MOUNTAINS- yes, that's right. A beach, AND mountains. I wanted to cry. Never having been to the west coast USA, Hawaii or any beach with a moutainous backdrop, this was my first experience of enjoying the two best components of nature..beach and mountains. I'd say it was the "love-child" of two of my US homes- Florida and North Carolina...and it's name is Hua Hin. Fabulous town..rich in many cultures as it's the hub for many travellers visiting the Gulf of Thailand. We enjoyed our afternoon and early evening on Saturday riding motorbikes through the mountains for less than $5. (Sorry I'm always talking about prices of things..but, everytime we do something we're always blown away at how cheap everything is to the point that we feel like we must tell everyone how absurdly valuable the US dollar is here!) So, Saturday was a fantastic day and ended with a 3hr bus ride back to Bangkok and a near-death experience in the backseat of a NASCAR taxi (or so it seemed). And here, here I sit in little Latphrao at an Internet cafe telling you of God's wonderous creation...

The four hour train ride on Friday afternoon gave me a chance to read my Thailand travel book I've been so anxious to study. The majority of the book suggests travel hot-spots and interesting monuments and temples to see (ugh, temples...I'm sick of them); however, in the back there's about a 20 page section on Thai religion. I've mentioned Buddhism several times in these posts, and how the practice and belief of buddhism completely perplexes my mind and heart. I've seen people giving gifts to the golden statues, bowing to images and monks, but- I didn't really know what it was all about..

Well- Buddhism is all about... death.

There's a belief in this "ladder" that every man climbs during their life of reincarnation. The top of the ladder is the ultimate goal: Nirvana, which is the final escape from the evils of the world and the hellish state of being alive on earth in a fleshly state. By doing good deeds and living close to the "middle way," one can earn and receive good merit during one lifetime that is basically used as points to climb a little bit higher on the ladder of reincarnation (getting closer to Nirvana with each reincarnation). The "Middle Way," is a set of standards that describes being a "good" person having loyalty, trust, honor, kindess and aiming towards a life of self-detatchment. Any ordinary man is obviously incapable of naturally achieving a state of this Middle Way perfection, which is why monks are the role models for common-man Buddhists. Monks dedicate their lives to living in detatchment from material possessions, and everything they have is donated by the buddhist believers and in exchange, the monks instruct the Buddhist believers how to live a life in order to follow the Middle Way so that hopefully, when the believers die, they'll be a few steps higher on the ladder of reincarnation, so that one day, hopefully, they'll finally be freed into the state of Nirvana.

Buddha was believed to have been reincarnated hundreds of times and around the 500th time, laid on his side in a restful pose and while in meditation, died and entered the state of Nirvana. The fact that Buddha reached Nirvana is what all the Buddhist religion is about. Nirvana itself is what they all want. They want freedom from themselves and freedom from the miserable task of life; however, the irony is the fact that they all believe that they'll never actually come close to Nirvana, because they'll never be good enough or live close enough to the Middle Way, and never earn enough good merit during their reincarnations to reach the state of rest and peace of Nirvana. Monks are believed to lead a lifestyle closest to the Middle Way; therefore, they are closer to Nirvana than common man; therefore, that is why they are respected (I also found out that any man can be a monk, and most buddhist men practice the monk lifestyle and live in the temples for about 3 mo. during their lifetime).

The life of detachment and denial is what they all aim for, and making merit is the only way to achieve the denied life (this is what all the Buddhist holidays are about). Buddhist holidays (they seem like they're almost everyday) give Buddhist men and women a chance to earn merit and make up for any merit they haven't had the time to earn, by- going to temples and giving money/food to monks, praying to Buddha and giving him gifts, releasing birds at the temples (seen as showing mercy and kindness to animals).. it's all about earning merit, and giving and doing "good" things on some sort of point scale. From what I've read, when they pray, it's not like they're asking Buddha to help them in any way (like I do when I pray to God)- instead, it's praising Buddha out of respect because he reached what they all want- eternal release and a final death to escape the imprisonment of their fleshly, earthly bodies.

So, the basics- they want death. They want release. They praise Buddha...but they don't pray for guidance and help. It's their own duty to live a life as close to "perfection" as possible with the hope that in their next lives, they'll be that much closer to Nirvana...they want release and detatchment.

My prayer is that having this brief knowledge will somehow guide my path in how to direct a conversation with a Buddhist. Rather than simply taking them for a "walk down the ol' Roman's road," I know what it is they're looking for in life and also in death. All I would really have to do is say that come their time of death, they are really going to die and die only once, but that sadly, their "Nirvana" will be much worse than imprisonment of flesh and in fact they'll be imprisoned somewhere far worse.

I could'nt imagine hating life. I couldn't imagine HAVING to hate life. I can't believe they are in search of death and believe they'll never get there..when really, it's all much closer than we think..

gulp.