this and that.

It’s strange to feel as if there was anything else I’ve ever known. Bangkok has become my home and I’ve been here for only 2 months. Over these past 2 months I haven’t seen anyone from my family, Keane was born and my friends have continued living their everyday lives of dinner dates and football games.

Isn’t this the life I was searching for? The life of change- of newness…the unfamiliarity I’ve been seeking? Is this the peculiarly charming lure of spontaneity to welcome my newly graduated self?

Questions continue to run through my mind- why did I come here? Who did I come for? What are they doing there? Where will I go from here? …And after that?
These questions weave in and out of mental traffic, congesting ordinary thoughts with worries of the past, present and future.

It’s in my times of questioning that I always run across several passages that seem to only confuse my weak mind even more. Oswald Chambers wrote: “We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life- those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength”

Until the moment I came here to Bangkok, I was always concerned with the future. College- such a future oriented lifestyle… concentrating on the present to make the future that much greater; however, the “future” after college was to be defined by applications, resumes and founded on my possession of factual knowledge- the knowledge that can be written down and applied…Business matrices, consumer preference analyses, and numerically weighty spreadsheets- and somehow…somehow (God’s how,) I ended up here…in this moment- in this place, doing this thing- these things…at this…this moment in this place. This is the “future”. This is the anticipated moment...this is the outcome of my daily pursuit for what my future was to possess….

College- life’s hopeful kaleidoscope, promised a future of colorful experiences. Regardless of which subjects I studied, which books were heavily highlighted, marked and tattered- each year, each course, each professor encouraged me more. Encouraged me to press onward and pursue “the future”.

Well, here I am. I am in “the future”. And tomorrow, I will be in “the future”. The future is only “the future,” today. Once today passes, that future becomes our present- our “now”. That moment becomes this moment…and so, the question becomes- what am I doing now? What am I doing in this moment?


John Piper. Oh, John Piper...he’s amazing. God has given him such amazing insight... I’ve been reading several of his books since I’ve been here. A Bible passage I read the other day states “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” (Matthew 6:33-34). John Piper comments on this passage saying, “Today’s mercies are for today’s troubles…”




Today. Not tomorrow. TODAY. I am asking for strength for today…for guidance- enough guidance for today. Wisdom for today. I will ask today for these things, as I cannot be certain I will be here to ask for them tomorrow. “You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes…” (James 4).


A mist. I am a mist today. Whatever is less than a mist- I am that tomorrow. I am that in “the future”. I cannot speak of a time or place of which I cannot be sure I will exist; however, I can live now. I can act NOW. I am alive NOW. I am in THIS moment…

A lifetime of planning my future has taught me to live in the present.

Here I am…NOW.